1) Schoolhouse Rock - The Preamble
For a state that prides itself SO MUCH on simply being the first to ratify the U.S. Constitution that it advertises this fact on its license plate (this has ALWAYS bothered me... it'd be like someone saying they had invented golf simply because they'd stepped onto a golf course first, get over it Delaware)I had no choice but to add this RELENTLESSLY catchy musical version of the Preamble. Not only do I make my students in class memorize the preamble but I use this song in the process. This is both good and bad because it DOES help them learn it but their cadence when reciting it ALWAYS matches that of the song. Clearly this is what James Madison would have wanted.
2) Elvis Presley - That's Alright Mamma
Elvis DID NOT invent rock 'n' roll alright? He was simply the first to show up to the game and make himself known. MUCH LIKE (stay with me, I mean it's Delaware, what else was I supposed to do?) Delaware SAYS they're the first state but we all know that really they just managed to get their shit together quicker than everyone else. Okay I'm done with the ratification thing now... really I am.
3) The Beatles - Taxman
4) Kanye West - Gold Digger
5) Clipse - Dirty Money
6) Mase - Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
So apparently Delaware has created a pretty nice little financial game for themselves by essentially creating the taxation version of full-on prostitution. Sales tax? Hell no, please buy your school supplies and other big ticket items here citizens of Maryland, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. Corporate income taxes? Lowest in the U.S., so please locate your garbage tax shelter "headquarters" here corporations (apparently 50% of Fortune 500 companies in the U.S. call Delaware home... and I'm guessing it's not for the vistas or ease of access).
7) Sam Cooke - A Change is Gonna Come
Naturally, when one thinks of strained race relations in the United States, immediate respsonses go toward southern states. Rightfully so. If I was actually an African American man (rather than just playing one while channeling Biggie and Kanye karaoke style) Alabama, Mississippi, and their bretheren (I'm looking at you Arkansas!) would be at the absolute bottom of my list in terms of retirement destinations. That having been said, Delaware's history on race relations is roughly equivalent to their history of preventing millionaire duPont heirs from kidnapping and murdering olympic caliber Greco-Roman wrestlers.
Two damning indictments here: 1. The fact that Delaware was one of those slave owning union states 2. The fact that the largely white bred (6%, black enrollment) University of Delaware persistently refuses to take on their neighbors, historically black powerhouse Delaware St. in football. I could explain the whole story but this ESPN.com article from Jeff Pearlman really says it all. The more I learn about Delaware, the more it sucks.
8) Drive-by Truckers - Outfit
One of my favorite politicians is without a doubt Joe Biden. Why? Because the more I find out about him, the more he seems to be as normal a dude as you can find in Washington, D.C. (admittedly an ENORMOUSLY qualified statement). More than the hilarious series of Onion articles about him, I find Biden's dedication to his family to be... well... touching. The guy was essentially a single dad who commuted from D.C. to Delaware in order to make his family work after the tragic death of his wife. So what does this song have to do with that? Lyrically, it's my favorite example of a normal dad being a good dad. The narrator is frank and completely without pretense in the way that he schools his son on some of the real facts of their life, not those that are generic and cliched. From "don't worry about losing your accent a southern man tells better jokes," to "call home on your sister's birthday," the type of advice imparted by the narrator transcends "Cat's in the Cradle" style platitudes and elicits visions of the kind of father that would commute from D.C. to Delaware to raise a family.
9)Young Marble Giants - Colossal Youth
10) Beck - Novacane
11) The Buckinghams - Kind of a Drag
12) Kraftwerk - Metal on Metal
Whenever I find myself travelling through Delaware, without fail, I've been in my car for multiple hours and am simply ready to zone out and ignore the tedium of whatever journey I happen to be undertaking at the time. Starting with the sing-songy organ ditty Colossal Youth by the Young Marble Giants and progressing to Kraftwerk's attempt to actually reproduce the sound of the highway on wax, tracks 9-12 are aimed at establishing the type of drone and ambiance that allows their listener to simply cruise.
13) Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant
14) Belle and Sebastian - Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying
But inevitably that drone wears off... you become increasingly aware of the fact that there's nowhere you'd rather be than your destination (Atlantic City? Philly?) but unfortunately you're cruising through the vacant, soulless, tax shelter that is Delaware
15) The Clash - I'm So Bored with the U.S.A
You know those moments on a road trip where you look around you and the road looks exactly like it looked hours ago and the entire allure of undertaking some Kerouac-style odyssey has completely lost its luster? Welcome to Delaware. I'll be honest, every single time I've driven through the state I've only found myself thinking about how horrible it would be to live in Delaware. I'm sure it has virtues (race track in Dover... Rich Gannon... ummm) but it fails to capture even the slightest hint of folksy charm. Even though your tenure there is, by the very nature of it's geography, brief, you find yourself completely and utterly bored with being in Delaware.
Up next: Quakers? Check. Ben Franklin? Check. Booing Santa Claus? CHEEEEEECK. What's up Pennsylvania?
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